Celebration FAIL

This one comes to you courtesy of my man 40, and the fine folks at Puck Daddy. It's too comical not to share, and the musical number is most definitely on point ...

I don't often read comments posted on YouTube. Because they're absolutely fucking ridiculous. But this one caught my eye:

"He sucked the cock of Karma. Nice goal, but that's what you get for being a dork."

Tough to argue with that.

Unacceptable

Three wins in 19 games.

One win in 9 home games.

Seventy-one goals against in 19 games.

Eleven points, compared to the New York Islanders' 23.

It's all bloody unacceptable.

Fuck it. Fuck all of it.

I hate this team.

All Is Not Lost

Most of it. But not all.

Some thoughts:

• If you look close enough, you can actually see the fear in Olli Jokinen's eyes. Francois Beauchemin is crazy, and I find it utterly enrapturing.
• After a disappointing goalless performance on Saturday night, Phil Kessel is now on pace for only 46 goals and 81 points.
• Where have you been all my life, Carl Gunnarsson?
• So, according to Don Cherry, Rickard Wallin doesn't belong in the NHL because he wears a gold chain. It's got nothing to do with the fact he's Swedish, and wears a visor. Nothing at all. It's because of the chain. Just when I thought Cherry couldn't possibly reach a new low, he's gone and proved me wrong. Because only terrible hockey players wear gold chains.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs remain the NHL's most abominable defensive team (67 GA), with the 29th-best save percentage (.878), and league's worst penalty killing success rate (71.5%). It all goes back to the question that has haunted mankind since the beginning: what came first, the goaltender or the coach?

Scribes are busy claiming we are already in the midst of a lost season. Yet here we are, in November. It's far too early to write off the playoffs. (You know me, I think it's never too late.) With 64 games left on the docket, my plan involves conveniently ignoring the standings, and believing that this club will somehow flick the switch and get it.

I believe in the proverbial on/off switch that is found in the realm of professional sports.

If all else fails, Brian Burke can fire Ron Wilson. That'd be nice.

Indebted

The men in the background, those are the real elite forwards. The true all-stars and MVPs.

One day isn't enough, but thank you.

Now, other than to rabidly support the home team, I don't ask you for much. Except for this: when you see a poppy on the ground, for the love of God, pick it up.

UPDATE: A message from my boy 40, sent earlier this afternoon:

"Walking back from lunch and thought about your inspirational words. Picked up three poppies."

Thanks, Forty. Don't you ever change.

A Monster Indeed

A .918 save percentage.

As a starter, it's even better: .924.

At home: an impressive .948. No doubt Jonas Gustavsson will play a significant role in making the Air Canada Centre a difficult place to play once again.

Shorthanded: a sublime .900. Up there with the big boys. Essentially: the anti-Vesa Toskala, who owns a .771 save percentage when there's four or fewer Toronto Maple Leafs in front of him. In Gustavsson's last four starts, the Leafs are 89% (16-18) on the penalty kill.

The formula is simple: Gustavsson makes saves; the Maple Leafs kill penalties; the Maple Leafs win.

Goaltending cures all. It triples Toronto's win total.

The sample size is small. But I can't help think that Gustavsson will single-handedly lead the Leafs to the playoffs, and to the most improbable of Stanley Cup championships, winning the Conn Smythe, Calder and Vezina Trophies along the way, in a magical season the likes of which we'll never see again get my hopes up.

Why They Hate J.P.

From an article on TSN.ca, about why the Toronto Blue Jays should pass on Marco Scutaro:

"In other words, the Blue Jays need to tread carefully before they offer a contract to a 34-year old player who is coming off what author Malcolm Gladwell would classify as an 'outlier' season - formally known as a career-year. ... To make an example that is recently relevant to the Blue Jays would easily be the signing of Frank Thomas. Let's be clear, I'm not comparing Thomas to Scutaro as players, but rather their circumstances. When the Jays inked Thomas to his two-year, $18 million contract in 2006, he was coming off a rather unexpectedly good season that saw him hit 39 home runs after the Oakland A's picked him up off the scrap heap following a nasty parting of ways with the White Sox. We all know how that story ended in April of 2008, with the Jays releasing the 'Big Hurt' and paying him for the rest of that season."

Now, I'm not saying the Thomas signing was all sunshine and lollipops, but TSN can't publish that article without the fact that Thomas hit .277/.377./.480 in 2007. Twenty-six home runs, and 95 RsBI. Both led the team. An .857 OPS.

I guess Daan De Kerpel just forgot.

A Prophecy Realized

Here's what I wrote back on October 8th ...

"It's going to get worse, before it gets better."

Well, according to the picture above, we've reached bottom.

Think about it: A.J. Burnett, hi$ 5.27 po$t-$ea$on ERA, and hi$ New York Yankee$ teammate$ are World $erie$ champion$.

Paul Beeston, unable to complete the one task he was brought in to accomplish, conveniently tossed aside the "interim" in "interim president." Staying along with him: Cito Gaston, a manager who's worn out his welcome among both players and fans, and who now has an expiry date.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have won one game. Out of 13.

The Buffalo Bills are - you guessed it - last in the AFC East. Terrell Owens? One touchdown.

It's too early for the Toronto Raptors to have disappointed us. But in all likelihood, they probably will. (On an aside, Charles Oakley remains one of the greatest quotes of all time: "These days with these guys I don't know if you can say too much to them without them breaking down and crying, like a girl. It is what it is." Don't ever change, Oak.)

It can't get much worse. Which is why it's going to get better.

Hideki Matsui, World Series MVP Hideki Matsui, is going to look pretty good in the Blue Jays' lineup as their designated hitter.

Vernon Wells had wrist surgery. As my man 40 put it so eloquently years ago: "That changes everything!!1"

The Maple Leafs' search for a goaltender has finally been called off. In Jonas Gustavsson, they've found their man. The Monster and his .901 save percentage will keep the puck out. If Tuesday night was any indication, Phil Kessel will take care of putting the puck in the net. Toronto is a four-game winning streak and another overtime loss away from 6th spot in the Eastern Conference. (Provided the eight teams between them lose five in a row, of course. It could happen.)

Fuck the Bills. They're hopeless.

As for the Raptors, it's never too early for the Chris Bosh "MVP!!1" chant.

When you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up.

(Unless Alex Anthopoulos trades Roy Halladay. Then all bets are off. Fuck.)

At Last

I'm in Amsterdam, on route to New Delhi. I don't have much time. I paid three Euros for 15 valuable minutes on the internet.

I'll be back next week, and my biggest fear was coming home to the still-winless Toronto Maple Leafs. I need not worry anymore.

I'm celebrating the Maple Leafs' victory with the Dutch, and feel just about the same as Tomas Kaberle and Lee Stempniak, above.

Kaberle, five points. That's my boy.

Life Isn't Fair

Toronto FC, in the biggest game of its young existence, delivered the type of pathetic performance only a Toronto team could in a must-win situation.

The Toronto Maple Leafs? A strong, and much better, effort. But another loss. Another fucking loss. I don't know about you, but when I think about the Leafs, I find it impossible not to shake my head in disgust. There's certainly no pressure on Phil Kessel to live up to that 2010 first-round draft pick, which I pray - to Allah, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna ... you name 'em, I'm praying to 'em - will not be a lottery pick.

And to end the weekend, a champagne shower of one A.J. Burnett. What we all wanted to see. Fucking Yankee$.

Playoffs?!?!1

Even the New York Islanders finally won a game.

What makes those standings hurt all the more is the fact that the Air Canada Centre is once again an easy place to play.

I know this is only Ron Wilson's second season coaching the team, but if he can't get the penalty kill up to at least 80%, he should be fired.

The ominous start to the season has left me detached from the team and thinking: fuck truculence. I'd rather have skill.

I'm with the ever quotable Jim Mora: "I just hope we can win a game."

(And a friendly reminder: please make sure to vote in the poll to your right.)